Loss

I have been staring at the computer for about 20 minutes trying to figure out what to write here. I guess I will just start at the beginning.
About 2 weeks after Cole was born, I was checking an old email account that I rarely check. I saw an email from my high school alumni association with a name I recognized in the subject line. I opened the email and read that one of my closest friends in high school had passed away a few days before Cole was born. Her wake was the day after he was born and her funeral was the day we came home from the hospital. I read this, stunned. I closed the email and walked slowly to the couch to sit next to Wyatt. He took one look at me and immediately sat up straighter and said, “What’s wrong?” I said, “I just found out that a good friend of mine passed away.” He nodded sadly and said, “Rachel.” I could not figure out how he knew about Rachel to begin with, let alone that she had died. He hugged me tight as he explained that my very best friend from High School (we’ll call her “M” since she might not want to be plastered all over my blog) called my mom the day Cole was born to tell her about Rachel. The 3 of us were inseparable in High School – we were the 3 musketeers I guess you could say. Anyway, M called my mom to tell her because she knew that I was in the hospital and she didn’t want to darken that special day. My mom pulled Wyatt aside as they were wheeling me into the recovery room and together they decided to hold off on telling me. What an incredible family I have. They know me so well and knew that I would have truly struggled with morning Rachel’s death while celebrating Cole’s birth. It would have been too much. Also, what an amazing friend I have in M – to be so aware of what was going on in my life. I have to say that once we went off to college Rachel, M, and I grew apart. I was not a great friend to either one of them and I will truly regret not keeping in better contact with Rachel. M and I were talking the other day and while we are heartbroken that Rachel is gone, we are grateful for the times we shared with her, the laughs, the tears, the stories, the memories – and now we are thankful for her again for reminding us to love and cherish those that are important to us… even if it has been too long since we’ve spoken.
Be at peace, Rachel… and thank you.